


our love is never easy

by swcnsmagic



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Reunion Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 17:36:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10949430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swcnsmagic/pseuds/swcnsmagic
Summary: Canon divergence of 3x12. Killian and Emma discuss the year gone by, which leads to a more heated discussion.





	our love is never easy

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicating this to Maddy (@csoholic on Twitter) because she encouraged me to write proper angst for the first time.   
> Admittedly, it could be more angsty, but it's nearly 2am. Enjoy!

"Hook."

"Did you miss me?" The signature smirk that Emma (now) remembered was wider than she'd ever seen; Killian made no effort to suppress it. "In your dreams, Killian," she scoffed.

His smirk faltered slightly at her words. "If only you knew, Swan."

"Come back to my place? You can tell me everything then," she breezed on, not wanting to acknowledge the slight hint of hurt in his voice.

"If you so wish," he nodded simply in return.

 

It was mid afternoon, only 3pm, but Emma saw no good reason as to why she couldn't break out the rum. She had a feeling she'd need it for what was about to come. "So it's been a year, huh? What've you been doing? Gone back to your pirate roots?" Emma inquired.

Killian shook his head and looked down, almost grimacing. "No, Swan. I may have returned to the Jolly Roger rather than endure your parent's company, but my pirate days are behind me."

"Captain Hook has left that life behind? Something about that makes it difficult to believe," she joked lightly.

His eyes flitted to hers, fixing a strong gaze that made her heart stutter. _Stupid_ , she thought. _He shouldn't do this to you._ "Look at me and answer this, Emma: am I lying to you? Do you truly think I'm still the same person hell bent on revenge?"

All of a sudden, it was as if all the air in the room had been sucked out, leaving Emma breathless and swallowing thickly. "No," she whispered hoarsely, inwardly cursing herself for being so affected by him. She would never admit it, but Killian coming back into her life had brought a whole onslaught of mess with it. For Emma, this mess was simply a fuck load of emotions that she had no idea what to do with except pretend they didn't exist. There'd always been an attraction between them; that much was evident. But it was lust, not love. Emma Swan and love were mortal enemies, sworn to hate each other till death. And then of course, Killian Jones was added into the already mind-boggling equation.

She'd constantly kept him at arms length, being the one to initiate most forms of contact. Especially the kiss. That fucking kiss. Her mind then went to the first time Killian showed up at her door, insisting she needed to remember and he could make her. By kissing her. Of course, for that to have worked, it would have needed to be True Love. Something Emma firmly believed she would never have. But for the whole year that Emma had been gone for, she'd always felt there was something missing. Something she craved desperately; a kindred spirit. With no memory of Killian, she filled the void with Walsh. He made her happy enough, but there was always a dull ache that not even he could ease. Now she knew, the whole time it had been Killian.

"Emma?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking about, love?"

She took a quick gulp of the rum, trying to focus on the burn of the amber liquid rather than that of his gaze. "Nothing," she said quickly.

"You can't lie to me, you know," he sighed. "I may not have your superpower, but I can read you well enough."

"Open book?"

"Open book."

She sighed again, heart pounding in her chest. Emma was a grown woman, for fucks sake; she shouldn't be acting like this.

"Tell me what's worrying you, Emma," Killian said softly. It struck her, the gentleness with which the words were spoken.

"I was thinking about us," she blurted.

Gone was the gentle, understanding look, quickly replaced with the damn smirk again. "So there's an us, now?" Killian grinned.

"I wasn't finished," she scowled. "Just... why? Why did you come back for me?"

"I told you. Your parents need you."

"That's not it. There's something else," she pressed.

This time it was Killian's turn to take a generous sip of his rum before he spoke. "I missed you."

_That_ caught her off guard, though logically, she knew it shouldn't. "What?"

"I missed you, Emma. Every damned day. I told you I would think of you every day, and I bloody well did. Do you know how much it hurt to be parted from you? To know that you had no memory of who I was? All those nights alone, wallowing on my ship, Swan. No pain, not even that of losing my hand, could ever compare to what I felt being away from you." His voice became increasingly choked with what she deemed as frustration.

"I don't understand," she breathed. Her head was spinning madly, trying desperately to comprehend what he was saying, knowing there was a deeper meaning to the words he spoke.

"Bloody hell, Emma! Don't you see it? I _love_ you, gods above. I love you!" he shouted as his restraint snapped. Her breath hitched at the revelation, and her body was ready to run, but she made no attempt to move from her seat. Instead, her throat became tight, but not with panic. "I'm sorry, Swan, but it's true," he whispered.

"Killian, I..."

"I understand. You have a fiancé, Henry's happy, you're happy. I should never have interfered," he said sadly.

"Walsh isn't my fiancé," she mumbled.

"But he's the man you need in your life."

"What if he isn't?"

"Swan, don't," he warned.

"Don't what?" she demanded.

Sighing heavily, he dropped his gaze again. "Don't get my hopes up. I can't do that. You can't do that."

Inwardly, Emma winced. All because of her damned walls, this man, who'd given everything for her, was ready to hate her. "Did you even hear what I said when I told you I was thinking of us?"

Immediately, Killian's eyes met hers once more. "Sounded too good to be true," he said bitterly.

_Fuck_ _it_ _all_.

"Jesus, Killian! Who's the blind one now?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I love you, too!" The words left her mouth before given permission by her brain.

"Swan, you —"

"This whole year, something's been just wrong, Killian. I've felt empty. Like an ache that won't go away. I thought Walsh could stop it, but he didn't. And you know why? Because the whole time my heart was longing for you, even though I didn't know it." If Killian had any words to be said, they dissipated into the atmosphere which was still thick with tension.

Instead, he shoved his chair back roughly and stalked around the table, where he hoisted Emma from her seated position and pulled her flush against his body. His hand went to her cheek, while his hook rested at her waist, before his lips were connecting with hers with such force it knocked the air from Emma's lungs. It was desperate and passionate, both of them pouring everything into the kiss. Killian, ever the pirate, nipped at her bottom lip every so often, after plundering her mouth so expertly.

The burn of the rum was nothing compared to the blaze of the fire that roared between them. Emma couldn't see or hear or even think straight; the only thing she could register was Killian kissing her senseless. His hand moved from her cheek to tangle in the loose curls he'd longed for during the twelve months he'd been denied of seeing them Emma's hands gripped the lapel of his jacket like a vice, needing a physical anchor to tether herself to in fear of drowning in the situation. The kiss was everything he remembered from Neverland and better. Her lips were just as pliant and soft, her skin still smooth to touch, and her hair still as silky. He never forgot how she tasted, either. It was something Killian held onto every day, the unique honey and spice combination that both grounded him and drove him insane.

For minutes or hours, they became lost in each other, neither noticing that Emma was caged between a wall and Killian's body. But both needed to surface for air eventually. Killian took in Emma's state; glassy green eyes with pupils blown wide, kiss-swollen lips, a soft pink tinge to her cheeks and artfully tangled hair. He was sure he looked of a similar state. "I've waited a whole bloody year for that, Emma."

"That's all you've waited for?" she smirked.

"Bloody vixen," he growled, lowering his lips to her neck. Finding her fluttering pulse point, he bit down roughly, eliciting a gasp from Emma. He'd imagined a situation like this countless times in her absence, with her pressed against a wall while he did sinful things to her neck.

"Shit, Killian," she moaned.

"What do you need, Emma?" he rasped against her skin. He nipped at the hollow of her throat, where he felt a sharp intake of breath. "You." Drawing back, he looked at her seriously and honestly.

"Emma, you realise there'll be no going back if we —"

"I want this. I want _you_ , Killian." With that, she tugged him towards her bedroom situated at the end of the hall, stopping every few metres to kiss him. They stumbled blindly through the door, wasting no time in divesting each other of their clothes. Killian's jacket hit the floor with a heavy thud, and Emma's boots joined the pile.

Killian moved closer to Emma, grabbing the hem of her sweater and yanking it off roughly. He felt his pants tighten even further at the sight of her, flushed and wanting, with only a flimsy lace garment covering her chest. "Gods, you're more gorgeous than I imagined." Too impatient to wait for him to proceed, Emma started to unzip her pants and pull them hastily down her legs. Killian immediately took charge again, carrying her to the foot of the bed where he tugged her pants down the rest of the way. Despite his growing restlessness, he took a moment to soak in the sight before him. Many a lonely night aboard his ship with only his hand for company had meant Killian conjured several scenarios similar to this, but his imagination paled in comparison to reality. Emma looked utterly stunning, with her creamy skin practically glowing in the dim light of the room.

"You're a vision, Swan," he growled, before he started to shuck his vest and shirt, followed promptly by his own pants, which had become far too tight. Emma took this opportunity to unclasp her bra and toss it somewhere behind her. Killian stood in front of her, and she noticed that his brace had been removed. It was the first time she'd seen his stump, something he probably hadn't shown many souls in all his years. Reaching for it gently, she placed a tender kiss to the scarring that featured on the flesh, and Emma saw him looking at her with complete awe in his eyes.

Once again, words failed him, so he surged forwards and claimed her mouth again, never tiring of the small moans she made when their tongues fought for dominance. He began running his hand down her body, reaching the waistband of her underwear, quickly ridding her of the offending garment. His hand dipped between the apex of her thighs, where he found her scorching and slick with want. A small whimper escaped her lips, and her back arched at even this slightest of touches. "Please, Killian."

"I want to take my time with you, darling," he whispered hoarsely. Desperately, she reached down to grasp him, hot and heavy in her hand. He groaned against her lips; a touch as tender but as wanting as hers had him regretting his previous statement.

"I need you now. We can do slow later. Please?" she whimpered.

"This won't be gentle," he warned. He was too far gone to even think about taking it slow. For twelve months he'd yearned and wanted and imagined for this to become reality, and now it finally was.

"I don't care."

Kissing her roughly, Killian shifted the two of them so Emma's head was against the pillows, with his body encasing her. Looking to her one final time for confirmation, she nodded and he thrust home swiftly with ease. A gasp tore from Emma's throat; feeling so full and complete was a new experience for her. Her eyelids fluttered closed as pleasure began coursing through her, ebbing and flowing like the sea.

"Emma, look at me," came a gruff voice from above her. Obeying him, Emma opened her eyes to be confronted with a look of pure ecstasy on Killian's face. "I'm never letting you go again. You're mine," he said in a low voice that caused her to shudder

"Move, Killian, please," she gasped breathlessly. Both knew that they weren't going to last long; they were too tightly wound and needy for each other to prolong their highs. Never being one to disappoint, Killian's hips began to snap against Emma's in a series of sharp and deep thrusts, each hitting a spot deep within her that she was never aware of until now. That seemed to be the case with Killian. He showed Emma things that previously she had no knowledge of.

"I don't care if I'm a selfish bastard, I want to be the only one to do this to you. I want to be the one to bring you all the pleasure in the world. I want to be the one to love you, Emma. Will you let me do that? Let me fuck you until you can't see straight?"

"Yes! I only want you, Killian!" she cried.

The sounds that filled the room were obscene: skin slapping against skin, heavy breaths and loud moans, often in the form of Killian or Emma. "You feel bloody glorious, Emma," he said in a wrecked voice, "I always knew you would."

"Oh god, _Killian_ ," she all but shrieked as her high hit her without warning. Waves of pleasure crashed over her, giving her no respite. All the air ceased to exist in her lungs as she saw small stars amidst the blurry haze.

"That's it, darling. Take your pleasure." Killian was still thrusting deep within her when finally his own release came, triggered by the clamping down of her already-tight walls. Both of them lazily rode out the aftershocks, before he finally collapsed beside her.

"I meant what I said. I'm a pirate, and a selfish one," he said, more gently this time.

Emma rolled so she was held tightly in his arms once more. "I only want you, Killian," she assured.

"And I you, Emma."

"Thank you for finding me."

"I vowed to not stop until I did," he said with a small smile.

"I love you," Emma said softly. For all the heavy, unrestrained passion they had just shown, it was the warm and loving smile that made Emma fall that step further in love with this man.

"I love you too, Emma." They began to succumb to slumber clutching each other, still in disbelief that they were reunited again. But before the land of dreams dragged Killian under, he whispered softly against Emma's hair. "I'll always find you."

Of that, he had no doubt.


End file.
